News and so long

OK, people, this blog is ending. I planned to continue it through the end of this year but writing each week is becoming a “should” and I don’t want to sully the memory of this fun blog by making it less-than-fun.

I do have news to share, though, before I sign off. I’ve decided to pursue a career in college coaching/consulting. I’m enrolled in a certificate program in College Counseling through UCLA Extension and I’ve already taken on a couple of clients. I’ve also been editing admissions essays for some college hopefuls through the University of Washington’s Women’s Center and am being paired up as a mentor with one their students.

I’m offering: (1) college admissions consulting, (2) essay development/editing and (3) transition coaching for freshmen entering the very-different-than-living-with-your-parents world of college. This combines my coaching with editing, which I also love, and adds in the college admission piece (about which I’ve already read over 20 books). In fact, I’ve even started writing book reviews for the National Association of College Admissions Counselors (if I’m going to read them, I may as well let people know if they are any good).

This career change is something I’ve thought of as a down-the-road sort of thing, but I’ve been coaching for over 7 years and, when I took the time to look up, I was actually down the road. Voila!

Wish me luck, think of me if you have a high school junior or senior and, please, feel free to keep in touch. And, if you happen to want to know about a potential future blog on college admissions, shoot me an email at erin@magnoliaworkshop.com.



Wednesday's lesson

I had the best day on Wednesday. The sun was shining and Seattle set a record high temperature for that day (and the all time high for any day in November) by climbing to a balmy 74 degrees. That definitely helped make for a great day but more than just the weather contributed.

What happened was not at all exciting so it took me a minute to figure out what made it so uplifting. Here’s the day:

M and I each dropped off a child at school and came home to get some things done around the house. He scrubbed the outdoor steps, which were mossy and really slippery in this wet weather. I scrubbed the waterproof mats that S and I had been using week after week to keep us off the wet ground at Q’s soccer practices and games. (Those were absolutely covered in mud and grass thanks to last weekend’s torrential downpour.) I planted bulbs. I cut back plants. M picked up the discarded yard waste. We cleaned the kitchen really well, cleaned our main bathroom and put away many of the assorted items that the kids leave around the house.

When it was time to pick up S from school, we grabbed the stroller and walked up to get her—a very hilly walk that took us about 30 minutes. She was so excited to see both of us picking her up from school that I’m pretty sure she smiled the whole way home . Once home, I caught up on emails and some of my homework and then it was time to pick up Q from school. I walked again—a much shorter 5 minutes—and brought him home after chatting for 30 minutes with two friends who happen to be the moms of two of his buddies (moms I love chatting with + friends Q loves playing with=a lovely time).

I then dashed off to a meeting for a volunteer gig I’m doing at the University of Washington’s  Women’s Center—I love being on campus and am so excited to be able to help young women as they get ready for college. After my meeting, Q and I went to an event at his school during which I got to hang out with my son and play games—two of my favorite things.

Why am I boring you with the details of what probably looks to you like an ordinary day? Because here’s the thing: when I was getting ready for bed on Wednesday, I was joyful. And when I thought back on the previous 16 hours, I realized that many of the things that are most important to me had appeared that day: nature, partnership, exercise, productivity, contribution and family. In coach speak, those are some of my values and on Wednesday, I lived my values. It’s amazing what a difference that can make to an ordinary day.

Expectations

OK, this post is pretty much for the ladies but any men who happen to be reading could gain some insight into our psyches from this one.  My question for the day is: why are we women so hard on ourselves? I’m generalizing, but it seems to me that most of the women I know have these incredibly high (dare I say impossible) standards that we try to live up to. And when we fail, which is inevitable given our expectations, we seem to feel like we could have done more.

I’ll use myself as an example. As I think about my day, here are the things I’d like to accomplish: getting in a workout, grocery shopping, tidying up the messes around the house, dusting and sweeping all 3 levels of the house, putting away the always-present baskets of laundry, making a healthy lunch for myself, posting a blog, reading and responding to the never-ending stream of emails, working on my homework for the grammar class I’m taking and transferring my blog to WordPress. If I start now, I have a little less than 3 hours before I have to leave to pick up S. Unfortunately, I’ve just described about 8 hours worth of tasks.

I’m generalizing again, but most men I know would do what they could easily get done and let the rest go. I, on the other hand, have been known to literally jog around the house putting things away—saving approximately 15 seconds overall while managing to cause the muscles in my shoulders and back to tighten up in protest. And what are the things that definitely won’t get done? The workout and the healthy lunch, of course. (The very things that might help me have the energy and stamina to do the rest of the tasks.)

The funny thing is I can see the silliness of this. I know that taking care of myself is the most important thing of all. I can also do the math and know that I don’t have time for everything on the list. And, yet, there is still this part of me that thinks I should try even though it is absolutely impossible. If a friend called to say this was happening in her world, I’d tell her to sit down with a cup of tea and breathe. I’d tell her to only do the things that were absolute priorities. I’d tell her to relax. As for me, I’m off to make my bed and tackle those piles of clothes. Wish me luck because, clearly, I need it.



Things I never knew about kids

Here is a partial list of things I never knew about kids until I had my own:

1. They will almost always be “going through a phase”

2. If things are peaceful and quiet, they are most likely doing something they shouldn’t be doing

3. They will have challenges with all sorts of things you are convinced just came to you naturally

4. They will make messes faster than you can clean up their previous messes

5. They will get hurt in ways you never would have imagined (stepping on their own hands, constantly falling off barstools, falling up stairs, etc.)

6. They will have strong opinions things that just don’t matter: color of plate, color of cup, size of fork, when it’s OK for different foods to touch each other, which shade of blue is needed to color a picture in a coloring book, etc.)

And just when you think you can’t take another minute of it, they surprise you with maturity you didn't know they had, an art project they made for you, one of those reserved-just-for-you smiles or a really big hug. You are overcome with an indescribable joy and all of the petty day-to-day troubles somehow seem worth it. (At least until the next petty argument begins.)

What are the things you never knew about kids? C'mon, I need a laugh.



Vacation

We are just back from a really great family vacation in the sun. I absolutely love traveling but, as my husband can attest, I also love being back home. The part I don’t like is what I affectionately call “reentry”. Reentry is 276 emails I haven’t read, a pile of mail to go through, laundry that needs to be washed, dried and put away (the putting away part is the hardest!) and those suitcases that need to be unpacked.

And life doesn’t graciously stand still while you set out to tackle all of this extra work. The kids’ lunches don’t make themselves, soccer practice doesn’t postpone itself, the house doesn’t magically clean itself and groceries don’t shop for themselves. (Full disclosure: the groceries did get delivered on our doorstep Tuesday evening and that helped—thanks AmazonFresh.) And, yes, I realize these are “problems” some would love to have but still… Reentry is the part that smacks me right back into reality mode.

My reality mode might just be the bigger problem. One thing I notice while I’m on vacation is that I’m much more relaxed. Yes, that’s the whole point of getting away but what I took away from this trip is that I really like the “me” who shows up on vacations. I like my laid back attitude. I like my sense of adventure. I like that I don’t get tension headaches, that I allow myself to “waste time” (gasp!) and that I laugh more.

My mission for the next few weeks is to figure out how to bring that vacation “me” into my daily life. Can my vacation self show up even when there are piles of laundry that need to be done? Can I laugh off and/or easily diffuse the kids’ daily disputes as I did while reading a magazine in the sun? I’m determined to try but maybe the key is not to try so hard and to just relax. I’m sure you’d all love my vacation self as much as I do so please feel free to put forth your suggestions. How do you keep a bit of vacation attitude even when you’re back in the real world?