I do have news to share, though, before I sign off. I’ve decided to pursue a career in college coaching/consulting. I’m enrolled in a certificate program in College Counseling through UCLA Extension and I’ve already taken on a couple of clients. I’ve also been editing admissions essays for some college hopefuls through the University of Washington’s Women’s Center and am being paired up as a mentor with one their students.

I’m offering: (1) college admissions consulting, (2) essay development/editing and (3) transition coaching for freshmen entering the very-different-than-living-with-your-parents world of college. This combines my coaching with editing, which I also love, and adds in the college admission piece (about which I’ve already read over 20 books). In fact, I’ve even started writing book reviews for the National Association of College Admissions Counselors (if I’m going to read them, I may as well let people know if they are any good).

This career change is something I’ve thought of as a down-the-road sort of thing, but I’ve been coaching for over 7 years and, when I took the time to look up, I was actually down the road. Voila!

Wish me luck, think of me if you have a high school junior or senior and, please, feel free to keep in touch. And, if you happen to want to know about a potential future blog on college admissions, shoot me an email at erin@magnoliaworkshop.com.



What happened was not at all exciting so it took me a minute to figure out what made it so uplifting. Here’s the day:

M and I each dropped off a child at school and came home to get some things done around the house. He scrubbed the outdoor steps, which were mossy and really slippery in this wet weather. I scrubbed the waterproof mats that S and I had been using week after week to keep us off the wet ground at Q’s soccer practices and games. (Those were absolutely covered in mud and grass thanks to last weekend’s torrential downpour.) I planted bulbs. I cut back plants. M picked up the discarded yard waste. We cleaned the kitchen really well, cleaned our main bathroom and put away many of the assorted items that the kids leave around the house.

When it was time to pick up S from school, we grabbed the stroller and walked up to get her—a very hilly walk that took us about 30 minutes. She was so excited to see both of us picking her up from school that I’m pretty sure she smiled the whole way home . Once home, I caught up on emails and some of my homework and then it was time to pick up Q from school. I walked again—a much shorter 5 minutes—and brought him home after chatting for 30 minutes with two friends who happen to be the moms of two of his buddies (moms I love chatting with + friends Q loves playing with=a lovely time).

I then dashed off to a meeting for a volunteer gig I’m doing at the University of Washington’s  Women’s Center—I love being on campus and am so excited to be able to help young women as they get ready for college. After my meeting, Q and I went to an event at his school during which I got to hang out with my son and play games—two of my favorite things.

Why am I boring you with the details of what probably looks to you like an ordinary day? Because here’s the thing: when I was getting ready for bed on Wednesday, I was joyful. And when I thought back on the previous 16 hours, I realized that many of the things that are most important to me had appeared that day: nature, partnership, exercise, productivity, contribution and family. In coach speak, those are some of my values and on Wednesday, I lived my values. It’s amazing what a difference that can make to an ordinary day.

I’ll use myself as an example. As I think about my day, here are the things I’d like to accomplish: getting in a workout, grocery shopping, tidying up the messes around the house, dusting and sweeping all 3 levels of the house, putting away the always-present baskets of laundry, making a healthy lunch for myself, posting a blog, reading and responding to the never-ending stream of emails, working on my homework for the grammar class I’m taking and transferring my blog to WordPress. If I start now, I have a little less than 3 hours before I have to leave to pick up S. Unfortunately, I’ve just described about 8 hours worth of tasks.

I’m generalizing again, but most men I know would do what they could easily get done and let the rest go. I, on the other hand, have been known to literally jog around the house putting things away—saving approximately 15 seconds overall while managing to cause the muscles in my shoulders and back to tighten up in protest. And what are the things that definitely won’t get done? The workout and the healthy lunch, of course. (The very things that might help me have the energy and stamina to do the rest of the tasks.)

The funny thing is I can see the silliness of this. I know that taking care of myself is the most important thing of all. I can also do the math and know that I don’t have time for everything on the list. And, yet, there is still this part of me that thinks I should try even though it is absolutely impossible. If a friend called to say this was happening in her world, I’d tell her to sit down with a cup of tea and breathe. I’d tell her to only do the things that were absolute priorities. I’d tell her to relax. As for me, I’m off to make my bed and tackle those piles of clothes. Wish me luck because, clearly, I need it.



1. They will almost always be “going through a phase”

2. If things are peaceful and quiet, they are most likely doing something they shouldn’t be doing

3. They will have challenges with all sorts of things you are convinced just came to you naturally

4. They will make messes faster than you can clean up their previous messes

5. They will get hurt in ways you never would have imagined (stepping on their own hands, constantly falling off barstools, falling up stairs, etc.)

6. They will have strong opinions things that just don’t matter: color of plate, color of cup, size of fork, when it’s OK for different foods to touch each other, which shade of blue is needed to color a picture in a coloring book, etc.)

And just when you think you can’t take another minute of it, they surprise you with maturity you didn't know they had, an art project they made for you, one of those reserved-just-for-you smiles or a really big hug. You are overcome with an indescribable joy and all of the petty day-to-day troubles somehow seem worth it. (At least until the next petty argument begins.)

What are the things you never knew about kids? C'mon, I need a laugh.



And life doesn’t graciously stand still while you set out to tackle all of this extra work. The kids’ lunches don’t make themselves, soccer practice doesn’t postpone itself, the house doesn’t magically clean itself and groceries don’t shop for themselves. (Full disclosure: the groceries did get delivered on our doorstep Tuesday evening and that helped—thanks AmazonFresh.) And, yes, I realize these are “problems” some would love to have but still… Reentry is the part that smacks me right back into reality mode.

My reality mode might just be the bigger problem. One thing I notice while I’m on vacation is that I’m much more relaxed. Yes, that’s the whole point of getting away but what I took away from this trip is that I really like the “me” who shows up on vacations. I like my laid back attitude. I like my sense of adventure. I like that I don’t get tension headaches, that I allow myself to “waste time” (gasp!) and that I laugh more.

My mission for the next few weeks is to figure out how to bring that vacation “me” into my daily life. Can my vacation self show up even when there are piles of laundry that need to be done? Can I laugh off and/or easily diffuse the kids’ daily disputes as I did while reading a magazine in the sun? I’m determined to try but maybe the key is not to try so hard and to just relax. I’m sure you’d all love my vacation self as much as I do so please feel free to put forth your suggestions. How do you keep a bit of vacation attitude even when you’re back in the real world?



What’s interesting (and what I didn’t expect) is that the list has changed so much over the course of this year. Some of the things that seemed important in January no longer do. As I look over the list, I can remember how I felt when I wrote each item. I only listed things that I truly thought I wanted to incorporate into my life.

Maybe it’s that, in the end, the list turned out to be a bit overwhelming. Or maybe I’ve realized during this year that I really can’t do so many things at once. Or maybe I now know that if I did try to do all of the items, my life wouldn’t be all that much fun. Whatever the reason, the list now seems too stringent. There are too many items on it. It’s too aspirational based on a 24 hour day during which I’m mom and wife and chief house cleaner.

So, to finish out this experiment, I’ve revised my Walk the Talk worksheet to make it more realistic. I’ve gotten rid of “should”s and left in only those things that really will add to the quality of my life. As I look at the revised list, I realize that it is now made up of things I usually fit into my daily and weekly life without much effort.

My new and improved Walk the Talk list includes only the bare essentials of what constitutes a good life for me. Suddenly, it all seems very doable. And, since I’m usually so structured, so self-motivated, so strict with myself, this shift represents a really valuable lesson for me that sounds something like: “Lighten up. Go with the flow. Live a little.” There’s no arguing with that.



We’ll spend money on all sorts of activities for our kids. My son has done gymnastics, soccer, assorted camps, basketball, piano and a handful of other activities in his 8 years. Our daughter, who is almost 4, loves to go to those expensive pottery painting places, has a weekly gymnastics class and attends a preschool that is fabulous but also quite expensive.

Thanks to these great kid activities, we also spend lots of time with, and on behalf of, our kids. They certainly don’t drive themselves to these activities and I can’t count the number of hours I’ve spent on the playground, in the bleachers and on the piano teacher’s sofa.

So, why then, when we contemplate taking a few days or even a few hours for ourselves, do we struggle so much with the decision? In a conversation with a colleague yesterday, we talked about how each time a new client starts coaching with us, she almost immediately reaps great rewards from the work. Time spent meditating, reading and planning our lives has similar benefits. Taking that bit of time for ourselves and spending that bit of money on ourselves pays off in ways we can’t even measure. Yet, it’s so easy not to do it.

Here is my unsolicited advice to you: sign up for that French class you’ve been considering, take the time to journal or meditate even if it means you have to miss America’s Next Top Model, enlist a coach to help you focus on what you want (since you likely already spend enough time thinking about what you don’t want) or get really crazy and find a three day retreat that seems impossibly great and register. As my friend who recently went away to the great Southwest for a retreat will tell you, “It’s life-changing!” and she means it. What are you waiting for?



My search commenced with the full-steam-ahead momentum I’m great at but quickly stalled when I discovered that I didn’t really want any of the jobs I was applying for. Luckily, I have a fabulous husband who saw my distress and helped me realize two things: 1. I am not desperate and 2. if I take a job I don’t like, I won’t be happy and as the saying goes, “If mama isn’t happy…”

With those two things in mind, I started allowing myself to focus on the positions that seem fun. I call them the shiny, happy jobs (which are in stark contrast to the ones I could easily do but that would likely leave me feeling miserable).

Before I knew it, there was a path unfolding that involves many of my favorite things: education, writing, editing, and advising. Now, instead of spending hours looking for jobs that aren’t right for me, I can focus on finding the few that would be a good fit. It’s a much smaller pool but it’s one I actually want to swim in.



I work out 4-5 days a week: Not happening. Not sure what to say. Not happy about it. M and I did pull out the P90X DVDs last weekend and that felt great. (Until the next day when I was incredibly sore.) S is starting a new school Monday. Surely, my workouts will get back on track once both kids are back in school.

I actively look for ways to bring in more income without having to sit in a cubicle all day: Since M sells real estate and real estate has taken a hit, I am determined to bring in some more substantial income so things feel less, hmmm, what's the word? Oh, yes, the word is: TERRIFYING. With that in mind, I'm networking, learning, volunteering, exploring and figuring out who will hire me to do things I:

1. am good at

2. like to do

3. can do on a flexible schedule (preferably from my home).

I find ways to relax (because otherwise I have no patience for my kids): I've decided I'm not that good at relaxing. I'd like to be. I admire people who have the ability. But I seem to be missing that seemingly natural skill. I don't think of myself as constantly stressed out but if you were to ask my back and neck, they would plead with you to help me find a way to release the tension they are constantly holding on to.

I make working on my book a priority: I can claim a win here. I've interviewed some amazing mom entrepreneurs, I'm having the interviews transcribed as I go and I'm making progress on how to deliver this great information.

I often feel funny going on and on about what I'm doing and would love to know more about YOU. To help motivate you, I'm offering a great prize to one lucky person who comments on this blog. All you have to do is share one thing you plan on implementing that will bring you a greater sense of satisfaction in your life.





Operation Beautiful’s goal is simple yet powerful: Let all women know that they are beautiful just the way they are. The author, Caitlin Boyle, feeling especially low one day, inadvertently started a movement of post-it notes and scrap paper that just may prove to be one of the most effective ways to change our society’s view on women and our definition of beauty.

Women across the country are now leaving short messages like “Never forget how amazing your are” and “You are perfect just the way you are” on mirrors, in dieting books, on scales at health clubs and even on the windows of their cars in an effort to 1) change the way women think of themselves and 2) internalize that same message for themselves.

I can’t wait to leave a few notes of my own and I just know that one day soon when I’m feeling pudgy or pale or in need of a heavy dose of concealer for my under eye circles, I’ll be on the receiving end of an Operation Beautiful note. I imagine when that day comes, I’ll walk a little taller, smile a little broader and send a healthy bit of gratitude to Caitlin Boyle for making a difference. www.operationbeautiful.com